


Goats Gone Wild

by critterlady



Series: Misc Marvel Fics [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Goats, my brain is crazy sometimes, not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:58:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterlady/pseuds/critterlady
Summary: What happens when goats get loose in Central Park?





	

The weather was warm as the trio headed for the park. James was still tense about being seen out with them but he never refused to accompany them. Central Park was hosting a spring festival and the Avengers were the guests of honor. Activities were scattered all over the park but the most popular area was where the Avengers were taking pictures with kids.

Things were going great until something panicked the animals in the petting zoo set up near the stage. No one was sure what happened but the fence went down quickly, the metal slamming to the concrete with a loud clang! Before the staff could get the fence back up, the goats and other farm animals were loose. Some were easy to catch, the two calves wandering around placidly. The sheep stayed together and the owner had a dog that was quick to round them up. 

No, the problem was the goats. The owner just stared as Patches, his oldest nanny, bleated as she chased after a boy who tried to grab one of the smallest kids. He couldn’t send Skip after them, he was busy keeping the sheep together. Sheep first, then he’d deal with the goats. He whistled and Skip began to herd the sheep, bringing them back to the cattle trailer. He just knew he should have brought Martha and Toby with him to help herd. 

The Avengers had all been startled when panicked goats came rampaging through the photo area. Bruce was off by himself near the edge and he just covered his face. _Why?_ he wondered. This was one thing that Hulk would be no help with but when he saw a young kid wandering nearby, he sat quietly, not wanting to startle it. The kid wandered close enough Bruce was able to grab it and it only struggled for a few seconds before giving in, sides heaving in panic. He stroked the baby softly and it calmed down enough to stop struggling.

Tony had no idea what to do when he was attacked by a very angry goat. It rammed him, knocking him backward before trying to eat his suit. When it couldn’t bite down, it butted him again. Tony tried to grab the short horns but missed as the goat ran through his legs. “J, anything non-lethal we can use here?”

“Animal Control has been notified, Sir. Might I suggest you attempt to keep the animals in the area?” 

Natasha was grabbing kids up as fast as she could, but the press of panicking adults hampered her efforts. She had no idea what to do about the goats, let people who knew how to handle them. A dog ran into the midst of the noise and began to bark and snap at one of the goats and it veered away. Natasha heard laughter behind her and she turned to see Clint, laughing as he was attempting to take apart an arrow. He finally succeeded and held up a thin net, then tried to toss it over the largest goat in the area. Clint cursed when the goat avoided him and ran straight for Steve and James.

Loki was standing to one side, watching the antics of the Avengers as they attempted to catch the goats, a smile dancing across his face every time they missed one. He was having fun with this but he still made sure that none of the children got hurt. A short blast of magic ensured that any goat would veer away from the children before running them down. Thor at least had the knowledge to not chase the goats but was patiently following them. Once he was close enough to grab one, he would carry it kicking and bleating, towards the truck where he had seen the sheep locked away.

Neither Steve or James were prepared for this. At first, they were focused on just grabbing children and handing them off to adults. Unfortunately, even once all the children were safe, a lot of goats were still running loose. They both attempted to grab a goat but it ran between them and they only ended up stumbling into each other. By now, Clint was laughing so hard he couldn’t do anything to help. The sight of city boys trying to catch goats was too much.

When Tamara saw the goats get loose, she grabbed a bucket and dumped several cups of feed into it. She walked slowly around the edges, rattling the bucket to attract stragglers. The kids were the easiest to catch, while they had their head buried in the food, she’d pick them up and carry them back to the grateful petting zoo owner. 

Most of the goats were caught by now but the ones that were left were grown and one had a wicked set of horns. The Avengers and several local cops, and animal control, now that they had arrived, were attempting to corral the remaining goats so they could be safely captured. A brown and white patched goat ran right at Thor. He was so busy trying to catch it, he ignored the black and white speckled billy goat behind her and was knocked flat on his ass by it. Steve and James tried to fill in the gap to stop the escaping billy goat and it used the two of them to escape the area, jumping over them as though they were just rocks.

Tamara was just returning another baby goat to the owner when she heard the shout from Thor. She spotted the billy, jumping over Steve and James and realized it was heading towards the road. Tamara just ran, knowing if the goat got out of the park, it would only end in disaster. Children did not need to see what would happen if the goat got into traffic. She had to dodge around people but she managed to get one hand wrapped around a horn. She could feel the horn start to slip from her grasp but with a desperate rush of energy, she managed to get both hands on the horns. 

Remembering how her grandfather had handled his billy when it was angry, Tamara twisted as hard as she could at the goat’s neck and fell to the ground in a tumble with the billy. She managed to hang onto one horn as she fell but she couldn’t avoid the hooves that lashed out at her either. She knew that goats have a lot of nerves in their ears so she tried to grab one, finally succeeding. She twisted the ear until the goat stopped trying to stomp her. Once it was struggling to escape instead of trample her, she was able to climb back to her feet. One hand on a horn and the other holding tightly to the ear, she managed to guide the goat back towards the relieved owner.

Thor grabbed her up, congratulating her on her skills at goat wrestling but frowning when he saw the bruises beginning to appear across her belly where the goat's hooves and horns had torn her shirt. Tamara tugged at the tears in her shirt, embarrassment flooding her face as she realized that people were staring at her exposed body. Steve and James were moving to join Thor as Loki shrugged off his coat to wrap it around her. Before Steve and James could join them, Tamara was rushed off by Loki, his expression enough to stop anyone foolish enough to attempt to speak to her.

Tamara didn’t return to the park, although Loki did once she was safely inside Stark Tower. She just went straight upstairs to soak in a warm bath before going to curl up in the bed. That was where Steve and James found her when they returned. Both were upset at the bruises that had blossomed vividly across her legs and belly. She didn’t stir as they stripped, or when they joined her in bed, wrapping her safely between them.


End file.
